Dear Alcohol, I’m Dumping You For a Cannabis Drink
Breaking Up with Alcohol: A Letter to My Former Companion.
Hey Alcohol,
Sam here. This is a hard letter to write — mostly because I’m still hungover from the time we spent together last night — but I’ll get straight to the point: I’ve decided to start drinking something else.
When we first met, sneaking you from my parent’s cabinet, refilling liquor bottles with water, and hanging out as a teenager was so … forbidden.
It felt like we were doing something naughty, and it made our relationship exciting. That first buzz: MmmHmm — damn that was a good time!
Even after turning 21, it was still hot and heavy… for a while. Going steady in my twenties, we’d see each other occasionally. But over the months (and years), you started blowing me up every day, getting clingy and attached.
Sure, I’ll own my part — it was a co-dependent relationship. As time went on, the good times waned, and you started causing fights … often for no reason.
It’s been a wild ride! And by wild, I mean toxic, very hazy, and maybe a little unhealthy. Sure, we’ve shared some “great” times. But the truth is, they only seemed great in the moment.
It was inevitable that I’d start seeing (and drinking) someone else.
How I Met Countdown Energy — and Started Drinking Cannabis
Everything changed last fall during Sober October. That time I went on a backpacking trip in the Sierra without you … I was drinking something else. Behind your back.
Deep in the backcountry, one morning a buddy pulled out a couple cans of Countdown Energy.
“It’s the same caffeine as a cup of coffee, but with the high of a 10mg cannabis edible,” he said, offering me one of the cans.
Up to that point, my relationship with cannabis had been limited. Sure, we’d flirted and had a couple one-night stands and travel flings, but I’d never been the wake-and-bake type. But Sweet Jesus, hiking through the alpine that morning, the drink’s caffeine/THC combo running in my bloodstream — it was like the Sound of Fu**ing Music out there!
If I’d been drinking you, Alcohol, I would’ve just felt tired and fuzzy. That’s what you do to me. I deserve better. Those love handles you leave behind are especially annoying, too.
I told myself the thing with Countdown Energy was a one-time deal, but on the way home, I spotted some at a store, and grabbed a few cans. “Why not?” I asked myself with a wink.
Countdown Keeps Me Going, Night and Day
A few weeks later, I bumped into the magical elixir again in Mammoth. I was drinking you, alcohol, (big mistake!) while my girl friend was sipping on a Countdown Energy. I was faded and dragging by midnight, but the caffeine and euphoric buzz in Countdown Energy kept her rallying to the beat. I was jealous.
The next morning, there was a foot of fresh on the ground, and she was up and ready to go, but you left me feeling tired and beat down, just like that dive bar that serves you. Dragging through the powder panic, I told myself I’d never let you do that to me again.
Zooming forward, it’s been seven months, and I’ve been sneaking around with Countdown Energy ever since. But I’m tired of hiding, and it’s time to come clean:
Alcohol, I don’t wanna drink you anymore — I only want to be with Countdown Energy. Sorry. Not sorry.
Why I’m Leaving You, Alcohol
Alcohol, you make me feel like shit. Drinking you is a case of diminishing returns. When I was younger, the buzz would last all night, and I’d be able to wake up and get straight to business.
Now that I’m in my 30s, you give me 20ish minutes of fun, then the hard road to sobriety begins. The only way to avoid it? Spend more time with you. That’s really possessive behavior!
Countdown Energy gives me a light buzz, and the moxie to keep my day going.
Remember the sunburn we got a couple years ago? That shit hurt! If you hadn’t made me pass out in the sand, butt-naked in front of the Mas Loco Cantina, that never would’a happened. But you just can’t help yourself. Can you?
Countdown Energy would never do that to me. Well, maybe on the couch, with a pint of ice cream melted all over my chest — but that’s different!
I want to keep a grip on my motor function and stay energized for tomorrow’s dawn patrol. But Alcohol, c’mon, if you had your way, I wouldn’t get outta bed ‘till 2 p.m. and my sloppiness in the lineup would for sure cause wave rage. That’s not how I want to live. Period.
Countdown Energy Is a Better Adventure Partner
Bottom line? Countdown Energy is a better partner for me.
I want to be out on adventures. Sure, maybe there’s a buzz or two along the way, but with Countdown Energy, that head change comes with a rejuvenating caffeine bump that balances me out and keeps me stoked for the good times ahead.
With you, alcohol, the only bump I get is when I stumble into something on the walk home from the pub. I’m over it — the headaches, the manic mood swings, and the negative consequences that come from having you in my life.
So on my next night out, beach adventure, or shred-fest in the mountains, I’m going to be drinking cannabis and caffeine — and leave you in the cooler, for someone else to sip on.
Until next we meet, which is never (okay, maybe in Mexico),
Your dude,
Sam
